Jaan kar bhi woh Mujhe jaan na paaye,
Aaj tak woh Mujhe pehchaan na paaye,
Khud hi kar li bewafai humne,
taaki unpar koi ilzaam na aaye!
Nakaam si koshish kiya karte hain,
Hum hain ki unse pyar kiya karte hain,
Khuda ne takdir me ek tuta tara nahi likha,
Aur hum hain ki chaand ki aarzu kiya karte hain!
milna itifaak tha bicharna naseeb tha
wo utna he door ho gaya jitna kareeb tha
hum usko dekhne k liye taraste he rahe
jis shaks ki hatheli pe hamara naseeb tha.....
*******
I close my eyes and I let my body shut itself down and I let my mind wander. It wanders to a familiar place.
A place I don’t talk about or acknowledge exists.
A place where there is only me.
A place that I hate. I am alone.
Alone here and alone in the world.
Alone in my heart and alone in my mind.
Alone everywhere, all the time, for as long as I can remember. Alone with my Family, alone with my friends, alone in a Room full of People.
Alone when I wake, alone through each awful day, alone when I finally meet the blackness. I am alone in my horror.
Alone in my horror. I don’t want to be alone.
I have never wanted to be alone. I fucking hate it.
I hate that I have no one to talk to, I hate that I have no one to call, I hate that I have no one to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything is going to be all right.
I hate that I have no one to share my hopes and dreams with, I hate that I no longer have any hopes or dreams, I hate that I have no one to tell me to hold on, that I can find them again.
I hate that when I scream, and I scream bloody murder, that I am screaming into emptiness.
I hate that there is no one to hear my scream and that there is no one to help me learn how to stop screaming. . .
More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone. More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn’t alone.
— James Frey
