My love...

Was completely stressed out by the events which occurred in the past week on my personal as well as on my professional end. To start with my personal end, I was made to meet a man & talk to him for 5-10 mins. I found those 10 mins the hardest moments of my life. To start with the story- this proposal was sent by my very own mamaji , reason- the guy is good & he is working in Delhi for the past few years. My parents went to see him initially. Then they decided to call the boy at our place so that 'we' (I and the boy) can 'see' each other. I had split off last week so wanted to relax on my week off but then meeting the boy was made the priority for me for that one day. I hated it but then ws left with no choice. Finally they guy came with his cousin & an uncle. Initially I was confused as who is the 'eligible boy' but somehow figured it out after few minutes of talk. His cousin did the entire talking part. N' i did not like the guy on the first instance. I thought they'll leave after few minutes. But the boy'cousin pushed 'us' to talk for few minutes though I wasnt quite interested. God, those were the toughest and the hardest minutes of my entire lifetime. I knew how I managed to talk to him. I did not ask any questions. He had questions which I answered honestly. There was some pressure from my parents to say "yes" to this proposal but I straightaway said "No" because it was a big NO from my side. Thats it. Period.

On the professional side, I was struggling to convince my manager that I wasnt at fault - an incident which happened almost a month ago n' no step was taken by my immediate boss. I was hurt by all this then came this another episode. I was forced to get examined by the doctor because they suspected me of swine flu. I had cold because of weather change n' they suspected me. Once again I failed to convince my managers n' had to take a day's off.Doctor diagnosed it as sinusitis. I was prescribed anti-bio tics which I usually avoid.But this time was an exception. It was hard to concentrate on work when so much was going on. By the end of the day I felt that am completely stressed out. I couldnt take it anymore. But I promised myself not to argue with the managers in near future on any damn thing/matter.

I was talking to 'S' when he asked some weird questions which he asked me few months back. He is kind of verge of proposing to me but resisting himself because I am not taking too much of interest. I've reasons too: I never met him- its only thru our work that we got in touch & started talking. I dont know the kind of person he is but am sure that he is a nice gentleman.He is located far from this city n' I dont know but somehow I dont see myself there.I dont want to mess up with my life at this juncture. God, give me the strength to take correct decisions for myself. I dont want to commit the same mistake which i did in the past. Only thing I've realised so far is that I can live only with a person if I know him & are confortable with each other. He has to be a friend for me and rest will follow. Life is not that easy as we think. A times I think why I need a 'marriage' when am ok being single. Relatives wont like you to stay single for long u c ;-) .I've engrossed myself in so much of work that I've almost forgotten that I've a personal life too. Anyways, I would still say the same but not sure what destiny has in store for me. Meanwhile I've decided to spend the rest of my life with z00z00 ;-)

I love you, z00z00! Will you marry me ? :) I'll wait for your answer. :)

Wedding

I had a burning desire to attend someone's marriage. Wanted someone to invite me to attend his/her wedding. Its been a while since I dressed up in ethnic & attended a function. Finally my dream came true. I saw S******'s wedding invitation in my Inbox. I was happy but then there was no way that I can attend this function. Major reason being that people who are invited they don't stay in/around my area where I reside. It becomes a high priority for me as travelling during night is kinda concern for me. Lets see how things turn out....

Bhelpuri....

Finally I made an effort to 'cook' something though it wasnt actually. i made an effort today to make chatpatta bhelpuri. So in the eve, I took out the packet, cut it open & found the receipe inside it. So as per the instructions, I took a potato, to boil it kept it inside the oven for 10 mins. My innerself kept telling me that I should have kept the potato in a bowl half-filled with water but ignored. I got busy in peeling the onion & then after several minutes saw my mom running towards the oven. man.... it was smoke coming out of the oven. My mother quickly turned off the oven from the main switch. N' I like a dumb ass kept looking at it as what went wrong. The potato was all back & it was weighing light like a ball. The bowl in which I kept this 'ball-turned' potato had a hole. WOW.... nice way of starting off with my culinary skills. :D My mom then lend me a helping hand. I cut those dhaniyas & onions in small pieces. Of course the 2nd successfully boiled potato was smashed into pieces as well. Then the mixture was mixed with all of these ingredients along with the chutney n' pomegranate. It tasted nice! Everyone at home tasted the bhelpuri including our maid. :)

Its Abhai's bday today. N' after speaking to him in the day I really feel & wish that he gets engaged/married soon to the lady of his choice. I felt as if he has lost interest in small things which can make him happy. Like a friend I try to help you but u dont listen to me. Anyways, all the best, dude!

Its time to say goodbye...

Came to know today that my crush has left the organization. I'll surely miss him n' will remember him as someone who always wore a smile on his face. My morning shifts n' travel back to home in the bus wont be same again. He is someone who touched my life at that time when I was looking forward to something 'new' & fresh in my life. I wanted to get out of 'something' & in a way he helped me to achieve it. Thank you so much P*****! Wish you all the best in life! N' wish that your life be filled with laugh & smile...Always! I'll always remember you as one of the smart & decent guys I came across & with whom I cherished going to the office every morning. Thank You!

Turning 30... Ouch it hurts!

Getting Older Birthday

It’s birthday time again I see;
Another year's gone by.
We’re older than we used to be;
The thought could make me cry.

For getting older is not such fun,
When there’s hurting in your back,
And it’s agony if you have to run,
And a pleasure to lie in the sack.

Yes getting older is quite a bore,
But to not get old is worse.
So "Happy Birthday!" let’s shout once more,
And to heck with our ride in the hearse!

Hooray for getting older! Happy Birthday and many more.

By Karl Fuchs
Would be turning 30 tomorrow. Gosh! 30 years of my life has passed. Wow... time indeed flies. But am happy & with my open arms I'll welcome the coming year(s) of my life. I know this year is better than the last year. But whatever it is I am happy & proud to be with my parents :) I would be sharing my bday with Big B- Amitabh Bachchan (Big B & Big C- howzatt!), Vimal n' many more people who are born on the same day.
Thanks Kavita for your wonderful gift. I never expected the gift. You really surprised me. Thanks a ton once again n' its a pleasure knowing you. Really cherished your companionship.

Relax & dream of nothing

Feels nice to be at home today. Another week & then would be moving into graveyard shift. :-|

** I was sitting in the balcony & saw a huge crowd mainly school kids surrounding the flower-wallah. It was unusual. I kept on thinking as what could it be. I even thought that probably he might be selling the flowers for free. But my mother ruled out the possibility. Then it striked that its Teacher's day today. N' my father's b'day. Wishing all the teachers a great day & a good learning year with their students.

** I was going thru the Reader's Digest's August edition. I always read the quotes section. Here are few of them which I liked the most :

"It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go." ~ J.C.Watts

"The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: When you find a fault, don't dwell on it." ~ Jay Trachman

I couldnt go beyond the quotes section after I witnessed the covered sky with black clouds. It was all different & felt the mornings of Manali. :) Misty mornings & cloudy skies. Couldnt stop myself & kept the book aside. Not every morning is as beautiful as it was today.

** Its been an year now with this project & I've had the pleasure & the honour to work with one of the experienced, talented and amazing people of IT sectors specially Indians. B*** & S**** n' his team has been a source of inspiration for me at times. 'S' is a perfect combination of authority & knowledge. Such a down to earth individual he is. My immediate managers dont stand anywhere if I compare him with them. At times I had wished that I report into a manager like him. Last time when I had this wish - 3-4 years back- 'he' was my mentor (Deepak- someone whom I still consider my mentor & guide- n' whom i had a terrible crush ;-)). Anyways.... But the time which I had in the past one year was fun. We cribbed but we worked hard & enjoyed our work. It was all fun. Change is constant.One should be adaptable to changes - thats what he said once. I really miss the times I had in ASG & here. Specially the people whom I've worked with & the ones who used to sit next to me.

** Orkut scares me these days. Only bcz of the reason that when I access my account I saw lot of pics on babies posted by my friends. Good & am happy for them. But then it realizes me that am approaching 30 n' I havent found a life partner yet. Thats something which drives me nuts at times. Right now am single & happy about the way my life is shaping up. When something has to happen it will. I still believe in love & an institution called 'marriage'.

Rains....

I love them n' the weather for the past 2-3 days is so gooooooood ... wish it stays like this for the next few days. :)

I am moved back to morning shift. I board the same cab which he boards. Whatever it is I cant face him. Period! I try not to face him. But he is still the one who without any miss calls me whenever i am aligned with him in the cab. :D

Trip

A trip to Manali came as a refreshing one...!!!

Will write more later.....

Crush ?

I dont know what to say but then its happening n' dont want to get lost in this.

I started liking you P***** & dont know when and how it happened.

I've started to miss you when you're not there in the bus or in the cab.

You're the one who calls me daily without any hitch to inform me when I've to board the cab.

I dont know how to deal with this situation.

My shift is getting changed from sunday n' I wont get to see you for the next few months :(

I hope that our project sticks to Infinity :P

You never bugged me except the very first day when you called to enquire about my pick up point.

I'll miss you!

One lazy weekend!

I was so happy that from today onwards i was suppose to be 'in' the day shift. But then change is one word which can trickle in from anywhere... you never know. well, from tuesday onwards for this week i am kept in evening shift for some training. Only training n' no work... well i wont mind :)

I wish that puppet makers in India starts coming out with a prototype of a zoozoo. Laughing & smiling zoozoo. I'll buy not one but two of them n' will keep them near my bed. Because that part is also visible from the main room as well as from my parents room. Moreover, they can help me to be in a positive frame of mind no matter what. Their smile & laugh cracks me. Love you... muaaaah...!!!

                                                                **************

There are few numbers which when heard reminds me of someone or the other even today:

1. Masakali : Reminds me of Lalit as he had set this number as his caller tune.

2. Ji Karta (Singh is King): Pragalb.... :)

3. Singh is King : Sachin

4. Mera tughse ka : Bhupinder & his co.

                                                                ***************

It was really nice to have spoken to Saroj, sheetal & Shruti after a long time. Shruti is coming back from Australia after her month long training ended this friday. She sounded happy. N' I can very well understand this because i was almost on Cloud9 when we landed on IGI Airport after a 15 days training in US. It feels special to be back with our own people, our own land & amidst our culture. N' of course our folks & siblings :) I dont see myself settling outside this country. Because I know I would be alone. 

                                                                ***************

I was going thru one of the dailies n' came across this article on Jennifer Aniston. It was written that she still hasnt got over her relationship with Brad Pitt. I really feel bad for that lady because I've seen her work in one of the most popular shows 'Friends'. She along with her colleagues had made many of us laugh & forgot our worries. I am no one to comment on someones personal life/tragedy. But I do feel for that lady. Its not that easy to end a marriage but I wish that she finds someone who can make her forget her past. Everyone has the right in this world to be loved & to be happy. She is no exception. Money & fame cant get you everything in life. It is just a step towards fulfillment of your 'wants'.

                                                                  ***************

I love her. Her is my mother here. She's been my source of strength these days along with zoozoo & Elmo :D I really wish that I get her as my mother in all my births. I dont have words to describe her but she's the one who along with my father completes my world. Words wont be sufficient to thank her for everything she has done for me from the day she gave birth to me. Even at this age she still considers me one of her babies at times :D I love you ma n' pa ! You complete me because I am part of you!

A promise

I was not in a good mood all throughout the day n' I dont blame anyone for that. But I am feeling really bad from within &  the last time when I was in such mood was some years ago.

I was not aware as what went wrong with him as he did not turn up for the work for the past 2 days. But I knew something was not right because he isnt that type of guy who would bunk from work when he is needed most (specially on 7th). I even messaged him yesterday -asking & hoping that are fine at his end . I didnt get any answer but sometimes one is so occupied that he/she probably might not respond to the calls/smses depending on the seriousness of the situation. Happens with everyone. The only thing I did as far as I can recall was with a smiling face I asked him why he didnt turn up for work for the past 2 days. He was furious on hearing this & yelled at me in front of everyone. I felt bad really bad because i was at the receiving end. Entire day I couldnt smile. I cant when someone snubs me like that. I guess I bonded well with him & others but I guess we're all different. At one point of time i almost had tears in my eyes but then crying is not the resolution. The last time when I felt like this was one of my newly appointed TL screamed at me for not completing my work. Thats still justifiable. But what happened today is still  a mystery to me. Saurabh was amazed to know that I argue & fight with my colleagues. He couldnt believe. 

Anyways, from tomorrow onwards at work its only going to be work & nothing else- no more jokes & no more personal questions. Period. Probably that would be good for me & others well. 

zoozoo

**** I saw him in my dreams once again... whts wrong with me .... He is one of my ex-crushes. I didnt think about him in the past one month and still wonder how he managed to get into one of my beautful dreams. I was in this mountain which was carved out to make shops & galleries. It was huge & big. It was all green everywhere with grasses & shrubs. and then there was this waterfall too in the same area. Then the wierdiest thing happened. I saw my school & then principal there. The place was crowded & was buzzing with people.I saw him there. He was on his cellphone talking to his gf. After we greeted each other I moved ahead & heard teling his gf on the other line that i was looking good with short hair :) Boyyyyy....  When on this earth am I going to meet you pumpkin boy ? You're still one of my heroes. 

**** Friday was fun day for me. I met Shaheen & Ravi after a gap of 2 years. This meet was only possible b'coz Shaheen flown in from US for her 2 weeks holiday trip to India. I met Yashi last month but meeting in a group was fun. I had a good time after a long long time. It was a coincidence that we 3 of us were dressed in white & black n' were carrying their own umbrellas. I had gone to meet them after i came back from the shift but it was all worth it. The way Yashi pampered me that day reminded me of Ankita. We used to be best of the friends. But then marriage thing happened for her & she simply vanished from the scene. I miss you moti thats what we used to call each other.

**** I've immersed myself into work these days. N' seems it has started getting into my head. That calls for a break which only god knows when am I going to get.

**** I fail to control my temper these days. I promised myself in my previous post but i feel there is no improvement. Guess its better to ignore people & their doings. Thats what helped me in the past. Lets c....

**** I am in love with z00z00s these days. They're so cute & their laughter brings a smile on my face. Their ads are simply wow. Only today came to know from Yugal that these are the acts performed by the human beings. Imagination & creativity has no end. I simply love them n' not to forget my Elmo.muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah......

Thats all for the time being.... Peace!

Hair Cut

Finally got a hair cut yesterday :)

Loooooong weekend

I love to sleep like a log :D But I cant sleep for long. N' my biggest problem for the next days are what am I going to do for the next 2 days. Phew.... I am going to write the "Faerie Tale" series on Monday. Probably would get a hair cut tomorrow. Lets see... My brother doesnt leave TV because IPL just started n' he watches every match of cricket. anyways .... dekhte hain...

Now I remember Shaheen would be landing late night i guess. Lets see if we can catch up this week or the next week. 

I hate summers of Delhi. Simply hate it...!!! :P

Something different & ME

One thing I would try never to miss on my offs is to watch playing the kids of our society. They play Basketball & few days back only one of them had the basketball n' today I saw five such balls in the court. Reminds me of my past where we kids would fight with our parents to have the latest n' the best amongst in our group.

This reminds me one of the incidents to which I was the witness. This happened last month when I was happily doing the morning shift. Usually the cab picks me just outside of the society gate but due to the jam faced in the morning hours, cab mates prefer the other route for which I've to go to the other side of the road to board the cab which is just outside the premises of one of the schools. .Well, I love to walk during the morning hours. So one fine day as I was waiting for the cab, casually I moved my head towards the entrance of the school. I saw a littly girl in her school uniform going inside the school with a heavy heart. Outside the closed gate was his father on his bike n' watching his daughter going inside the premises. This girl would take 2 steps n' then would look back at her father thinking probably he might take her back to home. Her father signalled her to go inside the premises. She took another 2 more steps n' looked back at her father indicating that she isnt interested in coming to the school. Slowness in her steps indicated all this.  Slowly she climbed the stairs and her father kept standing at the gate till she disappeared in the hall. All this happened within few seconds n' melted my heart. It reminded me of my initial days when I would cry on the thought of going to the school.  For me that was one of the beauties of a parent-child relationship. 

These days I am trying to concentrate on my work n' I find my beaviour is changing day by day. I remember i used to be one of the carefree, calm and used to live with dont-care attitude. But these days I get irrirated so easily that I fail to control my temper. I argue & fight with my colleagues which I always hated. Alright from today onwwards  i  promise myself that I would try to be in good frame of mind. No matter what :) n' would try to smile as much as I can.

My laptop is giving trouble while I read/write the DVDs. Lens cleaner which I bought online seems to be a bad one. Trust me these electronic equipments can drive you nuts if something goes bad. Last time I struggled with the webcam but the reloading of the OS resolved the issue for me :) Lets see what happens this time. :)

Peace!

Just another week

Why a dream like that...
* I saw him yesterday in my dream. Its been a long long time since I met or saw him in real life. His smile seemed so fresh that I forgot that it was me who broke his heart. But why did he appear in my dream.... Probably thats a sign that am missing a good friend in my life....I wish him good things in his life because he's a good guy n' in all circumstances he deserves it. :)
* Few days back I saw myself in Neemuch. Neemuch is a small town n' I spent my precious 2 yrs of my life there when was a kid. I really wanted to visit tthis small town. But then it came true in my dream. I was all lost n' found my school & the area opposite to it covered with trees. God knows but Girish was taking care of my travel.... So weird. Then there were flats n' i kept wandering looking for a specific flat no. .... n' suddenly my mother shook me . Awww I 'lost' Neemuch once again.
Anyways, life's becoming so normal, so plain that I thought of packing my bags n' leaving for some place on this earth where I can be myself. Just me n' no one else....But then it striked me that India is one of the highly populated country :D haaaaaaaa.....Alone to door ki baat hai :d My mind is so calm that it was never like in this state for a long time. But am loving it... :)
**************

Let me share this incident:
I feel the guys who travel me in the cab needs to be trained on etiquettes. They need it( speacially the ones who reside in west delhi side). I've reasons -
* They dont care that they share the seat with others. They keep submerged in their own world with their earphones tucked in their ears & to the cellphone.(Thats not a prob.). Problem is they dont straight n' at times they intentionally sit this way that their hands tends to touch my body. And then I've to put my handbag in b/w 'us' so that I can be safe from their itentions. :)
* Then they'll put their cellphones on speaker phone to let the entire world know what they're listening to. I call them Idiots because the music is already playing with the stereo which is installed in the cab
* They fall on other creatures like me while they doze off.
* They talk in their loudest possible vocal cord while interacting with the people.(in the cab)
* Two days back I was picked up in a Indica. The car was going on its speed. And this guy was seated in the front. I saw him spitting on the road. Guys you are not going to like what am going to write next. After a while when I looked at the window I felt like throwing out. It was his 'output' which instead of falling on the road made way on the window. Holy shit n' I was sitting next to that window. Gosh... Only I know how I managed to sit there for another 15 mins. Thank God the window was closed n' shut properly.

14th Feb 2009

Wish every soul on this earth is showered by love.
Love nourishes life & soul.
It makes going smooth no matter how tough the times are.
Love should not be felt for a day.... it lasts lifetime.
Hence, let there be no sad soul.... :)
Happy Valentines Day...!!!

prayer

God,
a small & humble prayer. Dont disappoint my parents. They're my life n' are the only ones left in my life who are close to me. Please dont do this to them.